By Cynthia Hamilton Urquhart
(Retired RCMP member)

What you can see and who I am
I know that you don’t understand
Understand the grief I bear
It surrounds me everywhere

Death and sadness, pain and hurt
I endure each day at work
Suck it in and hold it tight
All to make you feel alright

I don’t matter, no one cares
Everyone hates me, no one’s there
All because my soul, it broke
I couldn’t hide behind the smoke

The smokescreen that surrounded me
Just so no one could really see
That I had reached that big, black hole
That I had lost my heart, my soul

That all my hopes, my dreams, my cares
My job had taken them, stripped them bare
I’m in a place I’ve never been
A place, I’d really not foreseen

So deep, so dark, feeling so letdown
There’s nothing left, a heap, a mound
So alone, and feeling lost
Ostracized, at any cost

A strong, proud “Mountie” I must be
A strong, proud “Mountie” for the public to see
But if I break and fall apart
Who takes the time to mend my heart

I am a victim of many years
Of police work, training and many fears
Please help me, find me, before I break
Help me, find me, before it’s too late

Please pick me up and find some glue
Stick me together, the person you knew
But I know better, deep down inside
That part of me that didn’t survive

There is no thread or glue or tape
To put be back, help me escape
The memories, thoughts and times so sad
That part of life, that’s Oh, so bad

So friends and family, bosses too
If all of this, you only knew
You could help me get to where
I ‘d receive the proper care

To give me back my strength, my pride
Things to keep my soul alive
I’m asking all of you to see
That we are people, we have needs

We love our work, we want to help
We’re in a box, please get us out
Guide us to a place that’s safe
With friendly faces and plenty of space

Understand we want to be
back in that place that lets us see
That life is good and people care
And happiness is everywhere

Please show that you’ll take care of me
The organization I thought you’d be
Help me find my way back home
Let me know I’m not alone

Please get me out of my cocoon
Unwind my soul and give me room
To learn to crawl, then walk, then run
Remember to smile and have some fun

Rebuild my soul, rebuild my heart
Please give to me another start
To live my life with hope and grace
Help put me in a better place

My wings, I need for them to spread
Out wide and strong and feel no dread
Give me freedom of flight, the wind, the rain,
Make my soul come to life and feel no pain

All of this, I ask of you, all of this, I hope you do
For I just want to heal to hope, I just want the skills to cope


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